Question by Thorn in her side: Review “Knives and magic! and give me a better title please!?
The
Raiders
Of
The
Night
Chronicles Of The Adventurers Guild
The Raiders are a group of thieves that is probably unique in many ways.It may just be the biggest collection of thieves that ever was, and it is almost certanly the biggest collection of travelling thieves that ever was. And unlike most peoples,there are humans from the four corners of the world in the group, because as well as having their own children,they steal others. Mothers of villages that have bee ;n raided find their husbands dead or their children gone. But never both. Small mercies are rare with them,and, according to legend, the children, stolen and born from the thieves themselve are kept together and faced with the same rigid cruelty.Vicous beatings ocour with or without sucsess, as the children are trained to be scouts until they are 18, where they take part in the thieving and the beating t 04;at they once endured. The only gift they ever receive are the knives which are supposedly cursed.Because of the child bearing and child thieving, the raiders may go on for centuries to come, but since they are growing in number, they will inevitably divide to raid two places at once, and than rivalry shall instew and the Raiders will fight themselves until they are no more.
Chronicles of the adventurers guild, as told by ______________
Written by Averik Cormus
The moon was bright that night. That was good. There would be less darkness that way. Badr hated darkness. It was like the raiders’ dogs; sometimes it stayed, staring. Other times it bit hard, concealing what in daylight was in plain sight, causing him to trip and fall, make noise, attract attention. But always there. Just like the dogs, there at the end of his scouting. There to make sure no one ran away. There when he came to the raiders &# 116;o give his reports. For that was Badr’s job, to sneak in, scout,search, sneak out and report everything he saw. If all went well they would be fed and beaten. If all didn’t go well they would be severly beaten. But the marks would fade. Some would, anyway. Others, cuts, Badr feared would never fade. If he ever had the luxury of that fear. Present beatings and the tasks at hand drove that fear away. But the fear of darkness never lef t him. When he had been in training, they had mocked him for it. “Darkness gives cover, darkness is a friend to all thieves!” He remembered how they had mocked him. “Fake thief! Coward! Fool!” Only daylight could keep the fear at bay. But even then…… Badr shivered as he remembered when they had wrapped him up in the tent canvas and he had nearly suffocated.
The torches were lit with only the finest oil and wood, as was to be expected from such a noble establishment. Badr crept past the guard houses, thanking the heavens for the grass that allowed him to creep with complete silence. He would not have needed it for there were no guards patrolling.He could go incredibly quietly through nearly eveything, but grass was the best for silence. Badr and th& #101; six others came to the towering, twenty-foot iron gate, Anis and Asad among them.”This gate is worth a lifetime of treasure! If we could only steal this!” bellowed Asad. “Would you be quiet, you stupid maggot” snapped Anis. Badr turned around to see a flash of light…a moonbeam bouncing of Asad’s knife as he whipped it out of its shealth.
I will post a paragraph more for every three stars I get.
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Answer by Allie
You shouldn’t tell us; show us. Also, your grammar is not so great. Every time someone talks, begin a new paragraph. You have to work on your tenses and plural/singular.
The Raiders are a group of thieves that is probably unique in many ways.It may just be the biggest collection of thieves that ever was, and it is almost certanly the biggest collection of travelling thieves that ever was. And unlike most peoples,there are humans from the four corners of the world in the group, because as well as having their own children,they steal others. Mothers of villages that have bee ;n raided find their husbands dead or their children gone. But never both. Small mercies are rare with them,and, according to legend, the children, stolen and born from the thieves themselve are kept together and faced with the same rigid cruelty.Vicous beatings ocour with or without sucsess, as the children are trained to be scouts until they are 18, where they take part in the thieving and the beating t 04;at they once endured. The only gift they ever receive are the knives which are supposedly cursed.Because of the child bearing and child thieving, the raiders may go on for centuries to come, but since they are growing in number, they will inevitably divide to raid two places at once, and than rivalry shall instew and the Raiders will fight themselves until they are no more.
should be
The Raiders are a group of thieves that are probably unique in many ways. They may just have been the biggest collection of thieves that ever was, and they were almost certainly the biggest collection of traveling thieves that ever existed. And, unlike most people, there are humans from the four corners of the world in the group, because as well as having their own children, th&# 101;y steal others. Mothers of villages that have been raided find their husbands dead or their children gone. But never both. Small mercies are rare with the, and, according to legend, the children, stolen and born from the thieves themselves are kept together and faced with the same rigid cruelty. Vicous beatings ocour with or without success, as the children are trained to be scouts until they are eighteen, where they tak ;e part in giving the thieving and the beating that they once endured. The only gifts they ever receive are the knives which are supposedly cursed. Because of the child bearing and child thieving, the raiders may have gone on for centuries to come, but since they were growing in numbers, they would inevitably divide to raid two places at once, and than rivalry shall instew and the Raiders will fight thems elves until they are no more.
I changed it to past tense since it was confusing while you changed it from past to present and past to present. Always have a space after a comma, period, or any kind of punctuation. You need more detail, to show, not tell, and to seperate everything into paragraphs. You keep referring to it as THEM, but then you’ll say IS instead of ARE. So I took it that they were plural, not referred to as one 8;ig group.
Hope I helped, honey.
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